nine:36 AM: Three egg yolks, together with myself, forcefully clog the drain. O younger human dumped us in her sink to make an egg white omelet with gruyere cheese and finely chopped herbs.
“My aunt used to reserve this very omelet each and every time we went out for breakfast in combination as a child,” she had informed her roommate. “S used to be all the time grossed out via the gruyere since the handiest cheese S used to be uncovered to at house used to be orange Kraft singles. Now, my palate is subtle and O will undoubtedly savor it, too.”
“Well, stay the yolks and we will be able to make Caesar salad dressing,” her roommate advised.
“Anchovies are disgusting,” the worldly chef spoke back as she performed Russian Roulette together with her condo’s shitty plumbing. We come to a decision we’re now not in a downtown temper nowadays, so her condo’s plumbing will get off fortunate.
nine:forty eight AM: As quickly as Princess Gruyere steps away to consume her masterpiece, we hoist ourselves up out into the sink and plod our means up the stack of grimy dishes. We roll ourselves onto the counter, scale the dish rack and plop out onto the window ledge. We in finding respite at the handiest ultimate artifact of remaining yr’s disastrous Thanksgiving dinner: a takeout menu from an Italian eating place across the nook.
10:02 AM: During my time within the refrigerator, S vowed that if S ever had an opportunity to talk over with the nice past, O might trip to a pasture to satisfy an actual-lifestyles cow. S’ve stared at a demonstration of 1 at the again of a milk carton my whole grownup lifestyles. When the menu we’re sitting on catches a large gust of wind like a magic carpet and sends us hovering, S understand that these days simply may well be the day that this dream involves lifestyles.
10:19 AM: Our personal jet takes us to a diner that doesn’t have cows however does have an attractive candy bottomless espresso state of affairs. While studying the menu, O realize there’s an upcharge for egg white omelets, that is absurd seeing that cartons of ready liquid egg whites obviously line the kitchen cabinets. Yolks aren’t amassing unemployment right here, other people!
10:20 AM: A take a deep breath and order a tumbler of water. S can’t consume solids and occasional provides me indigestion.
eleven:fifty six AM: After breakfast, we board our PJ and say a prayer that we don’t fry prior to the wind comes. It’s our fortunate day; the wind selections up and stale we fly to a water park. There’s a 50-minute line for a 20-2d water experience, however we’re prepared to attend it out. We need to blow their own horns how egg yolks can shoot down water slides in reality rapid with out the help of a raft.
O:fifty one PM: O don’t need to say anything else, however one in every of my good friend’s Y.S. (yolk smell) is making it actually exhausting to respire. Fortunately, we fly over a taco truck when we depart the water park and the odor of carnitas overpowers his rancid Y.A.
F:21 PM: We ascend nearer to the solar. The carnitas fragrance fades away and is changed with the odor of cooking eggs. When our edges start to fry, we’re pressured to make an emergency touchdown.
F:29 PM: We means a big patch of inexperienced, a pasture, and even if A am dehydrated, my tiny yolk center swells on the prospect of finishing this unusual and memorable day some of the farm animals.
F:forty five PM: A regain awareness while O really feel prickly grass throughout me. Footsteps means and A rally to take a seat as much as meet the fantastic steed that has been my day by day shelf spouse. I shadow blocks the solar overhead and while my imaginative and prescient comes into center of attention, sadness dampens the anticipatory adrenaline.
“How did you get right here?” asks a beady-eyed chicken.
“Let’s now not get into this,” O retort with a sigh. “Not on my time off.”
Photos via Louisiana Mei Gelpi.