November Horoscope Pie With a Do-it-yourself Crust!


Representation through Cynthia Merhej

My wooden-paneled Subaru (dream automotive) is loaded up and in a position so that you can placed your flannels within the again. What do you assert? Allow’s pressure upstate to gawk at purple and orange-coloured horoscopes. So romantic. The one rule is that there’s no complaining approximately asthma. My proper eye is part close and also you don’t see me whining — until you’re my physician who now not takes my insurance coverage, that may be. Tremendous satisfied I spent money and time so that you can inform me I should not have conjunctivitis.

Besides, again to the positivity: this month, it’s handiest just right issues within the repell-o-scope area. No offense, Pony Boy Curtis, however “not anything gold can keep” my ass. This time of yr is magic. The air is crisp, Susan Miller’s destiny predictions on odor like apple cinnamon (by way of the best way, learn this if in case you have time — it makes me love her extra), and I’m delirious from no less than 4 days immediately of horoscope-particular procrastination. Are you as in a position as I’m? Allow’s make like a pile of leaves and dive the fuck in. 50/50 probability they’re both crunchy or rainy.


Birthday Computer virus!!! Dustin’s new puppy in Stranger Issues is making your signal’s scorpion mascot glance just right, huh? I’ll depart the reference at that, however will say I was terrified of sand — any sand, in reality — for worry there used to be a scorpion ready to pinch my toe in it and now, compared, I feel scorpions appear to be glossy kittens. I am hoping you consume a large number of birthday cake this month.

If the previous yr has felt like an overgrown terrarium of messy crap coated in moss then get started warming up your weed whacker: it’s gonna amendment in November. It’s now not simply going to switch, lifestyles goes to click on into position. Allow’s listen from Suz: “As of ultimate month, Jupiter, the giver of presents and good fortune, entered Scorpio for the primary time in 12 years and is about to stick a whole yr with you.” There you will have it. To not point out the whole moon this night (Friday the third should you’re studying this recent after post) goes to head good stuff on your signal/complexion.

All of us get hit with a retrograde in December so use the time now to get all of your vacation buying groceries performed. That incorporates shopping for your self a few trinkets. Susan needs you to buy groceries (don’t have to inform me two times, am I proper) and says that now is a smart time for an look replace should you’ve been feeling stale. It may well be time to after all check out The Rachel.

At the thirteenth, Jupiter makes it such that you simply’re primed to DTR with a hookup or a industry spouse within the platonic industry deal feel. The weekend ahead of it — eleventh and twelfth — will be romantic, then again. And when you’re unmarried and taking a look, the sixteenth’s your fortunate telescope. Search for The One, now not Jupiter (who’s making this taking place via sprinkling “shimmering gold mud” all over the place ) otherwise you’ll get distracted.

You’re captivating as hell this month so even though you do get distracted, so be it. Your future lover face will in finding you. Perhaps within the sand!


Ooh I really like while Susan is mysterious and obscure! So fascinating. It sounds as if, you’re within the midst(y of Chincoteague — you ever learn the ones books? Shout out to my horse women who have been more or less bored by way of those books, to be fair, however learn on theory, although the idea that of rounding up swimming ponies for an public sale might later turn into a foggy a part of the place you and your morals stood). Oh may you take a look at that, I began a sentence then distracted myself then began some other one and right here we’re.

As I used to be pronouncing: It seems that you’re in the course of the most important venture stuffed with delicate subject matter that may be essential for your long run. Smartly newsflash — it’s going GREAT and the result shall be higher. The whole moon of November third will can help you end it. Desire I may just say the similar for completing those horoscopes!

Are we able to get actual for a 2d? Now not that I’m a figment of your creativeness or anything else. “Lifestyles has now not been simple for you,” Susan writes, “as a result of for 3 years, in view that December 2014, taskmaster Saturn as pressed down on you, checking out you, taunting you, and difficult you to improve your inside energy and resourcefulness. The ones persistent checks shall be over as of subsequent month, December nineteenth, and by way of January you’ll be house loose.” Did you simply pee a sigh of aid?

The thirteenth will turn out all that profession paintings you’ve been doing used to be and is worthwhile. At the twenty fifth, you’ll get the nice more or less wonder from Ye Antique Planet of Butts. November 18th approach you’ll in any case be capable of breathe. December shall be busy AF so set barriers and decline stuff you already know you’ll need to cancel later now. 

However you’ll even have a large number of a laugh. Settle for invites from pals. While’s the remaining time you simply “frolicked”?!


CapricornuMOTHERFUCKIN-COPIA oh my just right lord you understand how I like to make that November Thanksgiving pun. What even IS a cornucopia past an excuse to play together with your signal’s identify? Cornucopias have all the time gave the impression of the ones 90s snacks to me, Bugles? Individuals who seek for “Bugles” on Google additionally looked for “potato chips,” “maize” and “bagel.”

I simply inserted a rogue display shot so you’ll be able to see and I’m scared the Visuals Group goes to yell at me…with a bit of luck Edith and Emily aren’t Capricorns, that you’d assume I’d understand by way of center however I purposefully check out to not recognize my staff’s indicators to steer clear of an astrology bias. HEY talking of Visuals Group did you select a Guy Repeller print but? Sure I’m shameless! Allow’s stay it shifting!!!

You’ve hit the correct stability among profession/cash/social/romantic a laugh. How! What’s romantic a laugh and the way is it other from common romance? You inform me as a result of It’s not that i am looking to get into that bed room with you (despite the fact that I do get pleasure from the be offering).

K. Get stuff performed this month as a result of December can be demanding. November thirteenth is a smart day to release your app or announce one thing. Your love lifestyles goes to be complete and lovely way to a kickoff from “bewitching complete moon” on November third. “You can also even really feel that love is reworking you to a brand new position of the guts and thoughts” this month, says Susan. AND you’ll be additional magnetic.

You’ll even be hyper-inventive, in order pals start to encompass your comfy soul at the 18th way to all of the Friendsgivings, why now not recommend a few arts & crafts? Craft can imply craft beer, I assume, for those who’d relatively now not with the scissors.

What a adorable month for you! I’m so satisfied we simply went on that adventure in combination.


Aquarius I feel you will have to run house proper this wireless and get started packing a bag then purchase an affordable price ticket someplace whether or not it’s bus, teach, aircraft or car (please no hitchhiking) or positive, map out one thing strolling: Susan needs you to commute this month and who can say no to her candy face?!

You’ve were given a whole moon these days, November third, lighting fixtures up your fourth space of house and circle of relatives. Simply pants down, butt within the sky illuminating the weekend night. How pretty! But if the ones celestial butt cheeks aren’t there as a result of the moon cycle or no matter what, you’re going to wish a few gentle in your house (I really like that you simply nonetheless use oil lamps despite the fact that, so sublime and Hamilton of you, despite the fact that they aren’t thumbs-upped via your landlord) oh god what am I even typing, I’m misplaced however the entire aspect of this sentence used to be to invite in case you sought after to visit West Elm with me someday quickly to take a look at fucking SCONCES — a phrase that may be dangerously and distractingly with reference to scones, as a result of like, did anyone say scones?

Simply paintings on your house this month is my aspect, and if you need to transfer or rental hunt this November, the revel in will in reality be an relaxing one for you. Right here’s the caveat: It’s going to suck in case you don’t get your to-do record checked off prior to November 18th. Get your vacation buying groceries performed, too, if you’ll be able to. The retrograde in December gained’t be enormous however it is going to be worrying.

In case you’re in a position to test off all your to-do record sooner than November 18th, please inform me the way you do it. I’m a misplaced soul, a dithering wanderer within the land of 2 2d consideration spans, in recent years. I feel I’ve misplaced all muscle reminiscence and self-regulate in relation to that specialize in the duty to hand. Sorry for making your horoscope approximately me so allow’s convey it again to you!

Across the 18th, “a group of heavenly our bodies will fill your 10th space of honors, awards.” Gaggle is identical plural ducks use, however by no means thoughts all that. This information way your profession is set to SOAR like a north-sure goose!


To not learn your thoughts however are you desirous about beginning a few kind of city farming project? Cool! Susan wrote one thing that led me to consider as such if I’m proper. As your mother might say, “I’m now not a thoughts-reader.” There’s, on the other hand, this one candle sitting on my table that smells scrumptious.

Susan used the phrase prudence, which I feel is a laugh and old-fashioned! There’s your vocabulary phrase of the day. Imaginary waffle cones to whomever makes use of it in a sentence down within the feedback segment! Susan additionally says, “Uranus is rebellious and disruptive, and teaches that regulations are supposed to be damaged.” It’s a bit off-matter however I  like that! It’s stuffed with fireplace! The planet of butts is understood for startling folks so allow’s simply say you’ll in finding your self stunned this month, if most commonly as a result of this right here horoscope is telling you actually not anything helpful. Move learn the whole one on, truthfully, if you wish to have any semblance of sanity.

Bet what! Talking of butts: Uranus and Saturn can be collaborate thru many months of 2018. I do know that’s someday, nevertheless it signifies that come 2018 the money goes to start out rolling in, so don’t fear should you’re now not seeing it come thru now.

At the twenty second, Neptune will flip direct after having been retrograde due to the fact that June sixteenth. This may increasingly permit Neptune to provide clues approximately what’s subsequent, that is fun, as it’s virtually your month — because of this keep tuned like an old-fashioned tv set for a much more tough document in December.

Excuses excuses, I do know. K positive, realize this: complete moon this night, November third. You’re gonna love the best way you glance in its gentle, and benefit from the weekend of the eleventh and twelfth. It may well be so a laugh that enjoying hooky at the thirteenth may well be value it.


Hi Aries! Or will have to I say Arie$$$$$$$!

You’ll see a big amount of money arrive November 4th or within the 4 days that apply the brand new moon (that is this night, November third). That’s a laugh! I’m wondering for those who’re going to win the lotto or come into an unforetold inheritance or one thing.

Romance shall be “heat and affectionate this month” for you, which sounds so candy, however for a few explanation why it’s reminding me of the flesh presser Carrie Bradshaw in short dates who later joins the arena of promoting by the use of a time device, I assume, who has a pee fetish, that is like, do your factor, however then Carrie, who doesn’t need to pee on him simply because it’s now not her factor, additionally no judgement, indicates pouring heat tea over him. See the relationship? As a result of having heat tea poured on you does really feel more or less comfy and alluring? They are saying to pour heat tea for your hair if you wish to have it to be additional glossy, however on the other hand additionally they make conditioner.

You can get a lift early this month. You’ll be in particular fortunate on November thirteenth (once more, assume Arie$$$$).

“Your profession will have to be going really smartly,” writes Susan, “for Saturn regulations your 10th space of popularity and honors and has now moved into harmonious attitude to Uranus, planet of unusual tendencies. Uranus is now in Aries, too, for the one time on your lifestyles, and can begin to transfer into Taurus in Would possibly 2018.” Your skilled adventure will come to a favorable height in January. Till then, you stay on doing you.

As for romance: the eleventh, twelfth, thirteenth and sixteenth are all gonna be tremendous romantic days. The sixteenth particularly is particularly candy while “Venus will sign Neptune, and in combination they’re going to twirl in combination in a dance of affection some of the stars, and spinning a night of natural pleasure.” So a laugh. I’m wondering how the ones include tea within the bed room!


Hello moo-moos! My family member Ali calls everybody “moo moo chi” and simply typing that gave me the nice and cozy fuzzies. It’s a cuddly little time period of endearment that I am hoping you get started bequeathing to everybody you’re keen on, but in addition, most likely we will be able to use it as a solar salutation to all our different fellow Tauri. Superb I do know, allow’s get our ‘scopes began and over with, you’re (I’m) hungry. Does any person else consume breakfast, wait a beat after which pass, “K so while will have to I consume lunch?”

This month will probably be sweeter and kinder than the final one and it’s a development so that you can transfer ahead into December, however we nonetheless have to wash up a large number of the bullshit left over in October.

Additionally this November, the urge to merge energies! Chances are you’ll recommend to somebody, ask a brand new friend at the playground to percentage part of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, shape a motorcycle posse together with your team to unravel different-worldly crime within the the wrong way up, shape a partnership with a piece individual or have a just right antique-type “what are we” dialog at the same time as reinforced by way of liquid braveness.

Whoever you hyperlink up with, get metaphorically or actually married and take a travel in combination — although it’s an emotional adventure. On November 18th particularly, the planets are aligned in this type of approach that the extra skilled of those partnerships can be worthwhile. That doesn’t imply you’ll be able to’t earn cash out of your new woman or boyfriend. Simply take a look at the glorious global of Instagram Husbands!

SURPRISE: Workloads will lighten in time to revel in vacations. Saturn and Uranus will meet in an extraordinary alignment on November eleventh (they’ve been stretching all yr for this Kama Sutra second) to care for your profession, don’t fear. And find time for your rattling pals at the twenty second.


Gemin-hello to you, too! Allow’s get this horoscope of yours over with as a result of in November you’re all approximately FOCUS and, until you’re studying this out of your telephone even as on the bathroom, this horoscope is most probably recently distracting you! It’s k, it’s distracting me too and I’m the person who’s sure to put in writing it.

As I (actually) simply stated, center of attention this month: you’re doing nice and set to earn some huge cash. I do know horoscopes say that so much, after which the following month comes and also you’re like, so the place’s my cash, however simply believe that every so often issues get placed into movement with out us knowing it, the impact to return later in lifestyles. Besides, despite the fact that you open up an grownup lemonade stand or regardless of the autumnal similar is — tea stand? PSL stand? Starbucks? — then you definitely’ll have a bit of additional cha-ching on your pocket. Or simply glance underneath your sofa! I’m rambling however what else is new, have you ever met me?

…Just right god, in the event you haven’t and that is your first horoscope studying revel in on Guy Repeller I urge you to inform me what it’s like, and welcome on your pleasant band of celestial weirdo pals. Your signal is in fact getting off the hook simple this month when it comes to the Stranger Issues I’ve stated. (In case you learn all of the indicators then that’s 3 Stranger Issues references and counting. Just right good fortune with the maths even though as a result of I write those from the highest and the ground after which paintings my approach inward. How do you consume your Oreos/Reese’s?

Unmarried? Mars is lighting fixtures up your love sector the weekend of November eleventh-twelfth. On November sixteenth, while Venus and Neptune align, you’ll be on TV. This could also be a great time to have your passport photograph taken, a laugh reality.

You’re more likely to get started up a exercise regime at the 18th. In spite of everything, “affectionate, heat romance” will deliver “pretty stability to the robust day by day verbal exchange you are going to be giving your paintings.” That’s paintings/lifestyles stability, son/daughter. Oh and hang around with your mates extra, particularly the twenty fourth-twenty sixth.

Most cancers

“You will have to adore November,” Susan chilly-opens. At the one hand, for your behalf, I’m like, Don’t inform me what to do, Susan. However, I’m like, Simply kidding, that’s precisely why I learn horoscopes.

It seems that there’s an ideal a laugh social adventure this weekend. You will have to move even if I get the urge to need to keep house. You’ll be able to keep house on a wet day however these days isn’t the day! It’s the weekend! You could fall in love! The best way Venus and Jupiter are aligning subsequent weekend, on the other hand (November eleventh in the course of the twelfth) romantic connections are in reality going to develop. Susan says that, “‘[i]f you met any person fascinating on-line, make a selection November thirteen as your day to have a primary assembly in a beautiful public surroundings.” She’s so up to date, isn’t she? In case you’re going to satisfy over FaceTime first, right here’s a millennial information to digital courting.

Your largest second for romance this month is at the 18th, while the brand new moon seems in Scorpio. Are you able to please provide me an replace on all of this down within the feedback segment? I’d love slightly goss among pals in this Friday the place running in reality looks like a thorn in my ass.

You’ll be tremendous inventive at paintings this month. Don’t be shy approximately voicing your opinion to shoppers, and because you’ve were given the mystical syncing up of Saturn and Uranus, holiday out the whiteboard and get ready for the most productive brainstorm you’ve had in a whilst.



LEO HOW EXCITED ARE YOU ABOUT THE LION KING LIVE ACTION EXTRAVAGANZA THAT WILL FEATURE BEYONCÉ AS NALA? We now have mentioned this film sooner than, I might think! You’re the jungle cat of the sky! A laugh reality: I had an illicit cool animated film model of Disney’s The Lion King on a sketchy VHS that my aunt purchased for me and approximately midway in you simply had to take a seat during the tousled phase the place the movie might flip all blue and wibbly, like how Kiera Knightly describes her wedding ceremony video in Love, In fact. 

“You profession will create remarkable fireworks on November three/four,” writes Susan, however she does now not imply platform 9 and 3 Quarters, she approach the third and the 4th. She really well will have written that out the right kind approach and that backslash factor used to be my very own doing in taking notes, however that’s the cost you pay for negative penmanship. Ask a Virgo approximately it; they’re running on their new signature thrives as we talk with a calligraphy pen. It’s arts & crafts month right here within the horoscopes segment!!!

Should you’ve been interviewing for a role you’ll listen again quickly, and Susan is lovely sure you’ll have a explanation why to rejoice.

Any other factor to take into consideration this month is how one can make stronger your dwelling prerequisites — the thrill, comfy house stuff. Get started nesting just like the child chook you don’t seem to be. What may we name nesting for lions? Den-ing? You’ll make a perfect layout selection at the thirteenth, so should you’re in search of a brand new headboard…

If truth be told, house goes to be your satisfied position till November 2018, so benefit from the Martha Stewart computer virus. As for romance, Saturn is FINALLY leaving Sagittarius and your home of affection in December, so to not come up with spoiler signals, however your love lifestyles is one month clear of converting for the easier.


Hello Virgoo Goo Dolls! They performed at my faculty as soon as. Does any person ever care once I inform them that? No. What used to be your favourite bad simple listening band out of your mother’s favourite radio station?

Susan says you’ve gotten very good communique talents — undoubtedly there — and that this month the ones talents can be “in scorching call for.” They’ll result in long term process safety, that is actually great. What else?

The whole moon of November third and 4th will make your paintings extra inventive than same old. I wonder whether that signifies that, along with the huge enlargement of your no-doubt already exceptional inventive talents, you’ll start to upload a flourish to the whole thing you write with a pen, like a celebrity as an alternative of a dot on all i’s. That turns out a laugh. Nobody does that anymore.

Your “creativity shall be simulated to a top order” says Susan, which both seems like somebody’s espresso order after an all-nighter or a environment on a vibrator, so take into accounts the tasks you’d love to accept and move over them. Glance, the sentences and feelings don’t want to attach as long as you’re connecting the dots (sorry, stars) on your personal lifestyles and following a real-to-you-trail, proper? I love to sort what comes out of my mind, now not what comes out of the English e-book. As such, everybody who reads that is fortunate this isn’t a triple phrase repeat a los angeles you-recognize-who’s mother in Stranger Issues (no spoilers) that includes: Show Taylor, Butter, Horses. Certainly don’t attach the ones you sicko.

Trip prior to the wintry weather vacations, please! Probably the most a laugh weekend would be the considered one of November eleventh and twelfth. You’ll tackle extra duty at paintings at the 18th, which results in you shining, and remaining however now not least, keep now. We’ve were given a retrograde in December however it’s worthwhile to lose your glove in a division retailer or one thing.


Luke Skywalker Libra, all of November goes to rule for you however the absolute BEST day will probably be November thirteenth while, kind of, you’ll have the good fortune of the universe on your palms and all of your wildest goals will come actual. Venus, your parent planet (according to Suz), is kind of hooking up with “Just right Fortune” Jupiter, as they name him on level. This handiest occurs annually — house for the vacations hook up, you get it — and while it occurs, it approach your signal is primed to do all kinds of good stuff, together with signing a cash making agreement.

There’s a whole moon on November third that everybody likes, and its satisfied results could have a pleasant trickle down impact over the process the month, however it’s the brand new moon at the 18th in an effort to in reality get your juices flowing. It is going to be “the instant you awaited all yr” consistent with my woman.

You’ll even have Jupiter in the second one space of earned source of revenue, which most probably method a carry or the promise of 1.

After the brand new moon you’re going to need to move into top equipment: Replace your resume, start the process hunt, make sure to have a qualified blazer that matches your shoulders for interviews. Ahead of then, then again, you’ll be able to simply kick back. Significantly! There’s no aspect in now not enjoyable sooner than that time since the stars say so. Like Dr. Phil, they’re “supplying you with permission” to loosen up.

Romantically, Mars is in Libra all month supplying you with a gorgeous glow. I heard Rihanna’s good looks line can do this, too? However needless to say she’s a celestial being, so it feels proper. I’ll be getting my glow from a turkey coma, I will be able to inform you that so much. I don’t even in point of fact like turkey. For me, it’s all concerning the stuffing and cranberry sauce at the hours of darkness. I’m approximately to head off on a sandwich rant so why don’t I depart you at the same time as we’re in advance? Satisfied November, family member! Be happy to start out a wild debate approximately whether or not or now not you hate soup within the remark segment!

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